If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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