Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
