i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
