Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
