Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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