His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
