I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
