Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
