it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
