I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
