It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
