I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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