it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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