it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
