puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
