Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize