He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
