when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize