My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
