Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
