People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
