You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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