If that was your dad, he is hot
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
