i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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