i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What a dumb baby whore.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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