im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize