I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
