If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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