I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
