god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize