curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
