i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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