We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
