M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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