what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize