i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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