I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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