therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
