I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
