Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
