You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
