Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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