Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
