he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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