I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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