I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
