Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
