Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize