he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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