they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
