i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
