Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have feelings that need drinking.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
