Dude my mom stole all your condoms
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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