can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
