forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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