I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
