Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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