you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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