you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry about my life...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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