He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she told me i tasted like america
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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