You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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