You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
