dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
