i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
