I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
