K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
